It is utterly baffling to think that Odette has been in our family for one year.  Just like everyone says, in some ways it feels like it was yesterday and in others forever ago.

One year ago May 11th we drove down the narrow,crater-filled road to the orphanage where our daughter lived for the last 7 months.  As first time parents we were equal parts excited and terrified.  We were still in culture shock having only arrived in DRC late the night before.  Seeing the city and country-side of Odette’s birth country was overwhelming, but walking through the gates of her orphanage was surreal.  We had seen it many times in pictures and others’ videos but being there ourselves to meet Odette was incredible.  I had only one thing on my mind and that was to find her!

If you spend 3 minutes with Odette today you would never believe that the child did not smile that entire day.  I remember the day like it was yesterday, but even after a year I really do not have the words to explain the thoughts, feelings, and emotions of it all.  We wrote about the day here.

With Odette’s birthday being just a week after her Gotcha Day we decided that we would celebrate by being together and doing something fun as a family.  We began the day with a little photo shoot of the special girl.

From there we went out to lunch.

We then tried our best to convince Odette that we were going to go home for a quick nap, but she was NOT having it.  She remembered that we said that the day was going to be fun, fun, fun.  A nap was not included in her definition, even when we suggested it could be a family nap in our bed.  We gave in and let her have her fun day.  Our next stop was putt putt golf.  Odette had never been but always asked to play on the putting green at the sporting goods store.

Be sure to zoom in on those scores to see who the winner was.  (Yours truly : ) )

And while it wasn’t really in the plans we decided to give bowling a shot after.  We had to go into the bowling alley to pay for putt putt and it caught Odette’s eye.  We had time to kill before our dinner reservations so we played a game.

Please note that I bought socks from a vending machine because I was not putting my feet in those shoes without them.

We hadn’t quite had enough fun for the day, so we headed to dinner at Benihana.  It is another place that Odette hadn’t been to (us either for that matter), but I thought it would be right up her alley (no pun intended).  I was right!  She loved it!

Sadly, we were all too stuffed too go get ice cream like we planned.

The day was wonderful.  It had been far too long since we spent an entire day not doing any errands, housework, or other stuff that so easily gets in the way.  We talked a lot about our time together in Congo and mommy and daddy praying for Odette before we met her.  There were many, many I love yous shared and promises of being a family forever.

Happy Gotcha Day, Odette!!

I think I bit off more than I can chew.

I will most likely be MIA around here for a few because of this…

And thanks to Pinterest, I am up to my elbows in rainbow jello at the moment.

No, this isn’t a cute, fun little post about Odette’s Gotcha Day celebration. No, I don’t have any update on Little A to share (come on God I’m begging for those documents in the next 6 days). I am not offering any words of wisdom or opinion on the DRC hoopla that is all abuzz in the adoption community. It’s my blog, and tonight I’m writing for me.

I’m in the mood for a big ol’ pity party for myself, but instead will share a list of a few of my life’s blessings. Cuz, really none of you want to hear this anyway, but I know you really don’t want to listen to me whine.

1. I have this crazy, amazingly cool daughter sound asleep upstairs.

2. I have a home with 4 walls, a roof, electricity, and indoor plumbing.

3. I only have 11 more days of school until summer break. : )

4. I have my health. Seriously people, don’t take that for granted.

5. I have a husband that gets it when I request some me time.

6. I have faith that my grandma is watching over me from above each day.

7. I have less than 2 weeks until the next season of The Bachelorette.

8. I have a full stomach and don’t really know what it feels like to be hungry.

9. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I could even begin to imagine.

10. I have counted my blessings and now I can go to bed.

source

{May 2, 2013-After a post swimming lessons celebratory ice cream cone loosened it just enough. And I should note that number two came out just 3 days later.}

1) How did you and your husband reach the decision to finally move forward?

It definitely wasn’t an overnight decision. We were at the point in our marriage and lives that we knew beginning a family was the next step. As I have written about before, we always thought we would have biological children first and adopt later, but God laid adoption on my heart so heavily that I really felt He was asking us to set aside our plans and adopt first. We had many conversations about the route we should take to grow our family. I finally reached a point where I just prayed that if adoption was truly what God wanted us to do that He would also need to show Jeff. He did! The question I got was specifically related to adopting additional children and the concerns about finances and home size. We haven’t really been in a place similar to that. If you are a praying family, my suggestion would be to pray for clarity.

2) Did you start fundraising before you applied?

We did not officially begin fundraising until after we were in the Congo program with our agency. Our first fundraiser was selling shirts in partnership with 147MillionOrphans.com. Because adoption was something we planned on doing at some point, we did have a nice amount (about 1/4 of the total cost) in savings.

3) Were you ever concerned about your safety while in Congo?

I wouldn’t say that we felt unsafe, but that isn’t to say that you don’t have to be cautious. We had an awesome guide/driver who took very good care of us. We didn’t go anywhere on our own. We did eat dinner in a restaurant by ourselves while he waited in the car, and I have to be honest that we ate as fast as possible. You just have to be smart, as you would traveling anywhere internationally when you stick out as much as we did in Congo.

4) What hurdles did you experience in the beginning once Odette was home?

The communication barrier is huge. Most everything can be handled with pictures or charades, but there are those things that can’t be. Odette was is very strong-willed, but if she didn’t like something she didn’t have the words to express that. There were a number of meltdowns in the first few weeks because of this. As first time parents we didn’t have confidence in what we were doing and that played a role as well.  But truly, Odette’s age (yes, sadly being 3 is considered older child adoption) has been an incredible blessing to us.  She remembers Congo and loves to talk about it and look at pictures.  She was old enough to learn the language and American culture quickly.  Really I can’t think of one negative thing that I can attribute to her being an “older child”.

5) How did we tell Odette about Little A?

Ah yes, I did mention that I would share that, but never did.  It was so sweet.  We got our referral for him right before Christmas but we didn’t want to tell her until after.  We wanted her first Christmas to be all about her and not about a new brother.  We also were thinking that it would now be her only Christmas as an only child.  (not sure that will be the case however).  So we waited until it was time for Jeff to go back to work and life would return to normal.  On New Year’s Day we called her over to the computer and told her we had some special pictures to show her.  We were a little worried about how she would take the news and how it might affect what she thought about her role in our family.  She immediately knew the pictures were from Congo.  She pointed to Little A and asked what “her” (still working on those pronouns) was.  We told her and asked if he looked nice.  She responded by asking why he was sad.  Interestingly, she answered her own question by saying he has no family.  He is an orphan.  (We talk about those things a lot, especially while praying.)  We then asked her if he should come to America and she asked if he could be in our family.  We said “Daddy, Mommy, Odette, and Little A?”  Her cute little face nodded and asked if he would be a brother.  We kept telling her over and over again that we love her so she would know that she wasn’t being replaced.  We also told her that we are praying he will be in our family.  We didn’t want to make it sound as if it was a sure thing and have her get hurt down the road if something happened.  One thing I will never forget is her asking why we picked him.  We did our best to explain that we didn’t pick him.  Jesus told us about him, just like Jesus told us about her.  She went on to try to tickle him through the screen and say that he needs a bike and clothes, shoes, and a towel.  Odette asked if we would go to Congo to get him and we told her not yet, not for a lot of days.  We ended the conversation by saying we love her and she added, “You guys love Little A too.”

6) Does Odette remember leaving Congo and coming to live with you?

Most definitely yes!  Saturday marks one year since we met her for the first time and today we began talking to her about it.  We showed her the picture of us holding the Waiting for You sign in the plane and explained that one year ago we got on an airplane to come to Congo to see her.  She piped up with, “I wait outside for you!”  Now, can’t say for sure how much she remembers or how much she knows from seeing video and pictures.  I will say that she doesn’t really remember the first weeks here or those hard times when we couldn’t communicate well.  Her memory seems to pick up about midsummer, about a month home.  That is probably when the shock of the situation wore off.

7) Does she still talk about the Congo?

A little bit.  Not too much.  She will talk about Congo if we ask her about it or when she sees pictures or videos.  She doesn’t at all seem to harbor any bad feelings about her time there.  She seems to have fond memories.  She talks about eating beans and rice a lot or other little things.  I think a lot of it stems from how much she wants to be a part of our family and act as if she always has been.

8) How do strangers respond when they see you, your husband and Odette together?

This is one area that has been far different from how I imagined.  Are there times when we get some questionable or even unkind looks?  Yes.  We’ve had just a few, really a few, inappropriate comments made.  Honestly, we are overwhelmed with positive attention.  I do think we live in a supportive (however, very white dominated) community.  But I think it more has to do with Odette’s personality.  The kid is the most charismatic one I know.  She could make friends with a trash can I think.  It doesn’t hurt that she is also super cute and often gets comments about her looks.

9) Has Odette gotten comments from other kids?

She has.  Kids are curious and pat her hair.  If her hair is done (meaning not in a ‘fro) she has told me that kids say it is crazy.  I think it could be because it is something different.  Her skin color is discussed somewhat.  I haven’t ever witnessed anything myself that I can remember, but when she comes home saying she’s black and we use the term brown, I know she’s hearing it somewhere.  At times she does ask about being our color.  I think she wants to be like the majority.  She also wants to look the part of our family.  She is very smart and I do think it already bothers her that she doesn’t look to the stranger like she belongs to us.

10) I am super curious about how Little A’s process is going?

I have to respond with a simple, me too!  We have no update.  Ick.  I hate typing those words. We do have our home study update finished and ready to send off to get an extension on our i600a approval since we were originally approved for 2 children and only brought home one.  I may be crazy, but my pleading prayer is to have Little A’s paperwork (crossing my fingers paperwork stating that HE’S OURS!) by Odette’s birthday on the 20th.  We’ll see.  As soon as those papers are in my inbox, I will share the news.

Thanks for the questions.  It was fun to see what you were curious about.

And this was us one year ago today headed to bring home Odette.  I’ll be back with Gotcha Day celebrations.

Is there anything that you have wanted to know?  Are you just curious about something?

Now is your time to ask.  I’d love to hear your questions and answer them as best as I can.  *(Let me first add, that I won’t answer any agency specific questions. Sorry about that.  It is just a decision that I have had to make.)  But other than that, as away!

I’ll leave this post up for a while.  Hopefully I get some questions and don’t feel too embarrassed the lack of readers since I haven’t been blogging as much as I used too.  On a good note, school is almost out for the year and I should have some more time on my hands.

Leave your questions in the comments.

source

I feel like I’ve been on here a fair amount thanking all of you (my readers) for the support and encouragement I get either through emails, comments, or Facebook. I truly cherish each one and yes I double triple stink at responding to emails these days, but it isn’t because I don’t care, life’s just busy as a working mom. Tonight though I want to brag and thank my real life friends. I know you’re out there reading this too and THANK YOU! The love I’ve gotten from you in these last weeks especially has been incredible. Some of the hugs were in person and others were sent in cards and emails. Thank you! The thoughtfulness of you is humbling. I am not really a thoughtful person. Ok, that sounds bad. I mean I don’t have that part of my brain that knows just what to say, do, or give someone to cheer them up. I’m more of an, “aww I’m sorry” person or “that sucks”. Not my friends, they know just what to say, do, and give to bring a smile to my face. Thanks, guys!

Other than that I don’t have too much to share. We are preparing for Odette’s Gotcha Day on May 11th and then her big birthday on May 20th. She has no recollection of us celebrating last year, but because she has been to quite a few friends’ parties she has some high expectations for this year.

And finally, I’m kinda at a loss for what to write about so I thought maybe a Q and A might be fun. Think of something you might want to ask and I’ll be back to take your questions later this weekend.

Happy Hump Day,
Sarah

Thank you so very much for your prayers over the last week. I truly felt them. And honestly, I needed them. It is amazing the twist life can take so suddenly. Just when you are moving right along and are in the groove of things you can be knocked right off your feet.

Our basement is mostly cleaned up. The fans and dehumidifier have been returned. An overflowing garbage bin was picked up at the curb, and I have most of my house back to normal, except for half of the garage which is full of things still drying, airing out, or waiting for their turn to be hauled to the curb for the trash man. We are still deciding whether or not to file a claim with our insurance. We have the coverage but aren’t sure if they will replace enough of our stuff to make it worthy of the deductible and higher premiums.

My heart remains shattered by the loss of my grandma. I still have times when I reach for the phone to call her. There are so many ways that she influenced my life that I am reminded of her numerous times each day. It is hard not having her here with me. Some days are better than others, and I can really feel God working to help heal my heart of the hurt. We spent the last months praying that Jesus would help GiGi feel better and most nights Odette still prays “Thank you, Jesus, for GiGi feel better.” The first time she prayed those words after her death it felt like a knife to my heart. Quickly, I was reminded that, yes indeed, Jesus did help GiGi feel better. Now when she prays it I know she is understanding a little more about the concept of heaven and dying. That sweet three year old teaches me so much. I did tear up a little this week she began to add, “and mommy not be sad anymore.” I don’t want Odette to remember me being sad. I don’t want her to be scared of that. So we will continue to thank Jesus for helping GiGi feel better. Instead of mourning my loss on earth I will celebrate her eternal life with Christ.

I have mentioned it a lot recently but I have been ministered to more and more through Christian music. It is probably partly because I listen while I am running and I have gotten back into a decent running routine. I won’t be running a marathon for a while (not in that kind of shape) but it’s wonderful and healthy alone time. Sometimes the music energizes and pushes me to run faster or farther or other times it stops me dead in my tracks and causes me to turn away from the street and hide my face while I have a good cry. Jeff always jokes that I say every other song is a favorite but right now I feel like so many speak to where I am. Jason Gray’s Nothing is Wasted pretty much rocks me when I hear it. I love being reminded that “every tear I cry will seed the ground where joy will grow.”

The hurt that broke your heart
And left you trembling in the dark
Feeling lost and alone
Will tell you hope’s a lie
But what if every tear you cry
Will seed the ground where joy will grow

And nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

It’s from the deepest wounds
That beauty finds a place to bloom
And you will see before the end
That every broken piece is
Gathered in the heart of Jesus
And what’s lost will be found again

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine

Nothing is wasted
Nothing is wasted
In the hands of our Redeemer
Nothing is wasted

From the ruins
From the ashes
Beauty will rise
From the wreckage
From the darkness
Glory will shine
Glory will shine

Before I go, I know it is has been far too long since I shared pictures of my little angel.

reading fun

“special pink drink” and a wink

trying out a new ‘do

never too young for a relaxing morning at the coffee house

3 year old with an adult palate (salmon, baby broccoli, and risotto or pink fish and purple rice as Jeff called it)

evening walks

What mommy and daddy do while I am at school.

love me breakfast dates with the fam

Here’s to a great week!

What a week is has for pretty much everyone everywhere.  My heart and prayers go out to all of those who have been affected.  It is so easy during times like these to question, doubt, and even turn against God.  I have most certainly been very guilty of doing those things this week.  But today, in the midst of yet another challenge thrown my way I am finding His blessings.

On Monday I said a final goodbye to my most beloved grandmother.  I was there by her bedside for her final days and hours.  I have started a post devoted just to her, but I have so much yet to process that it may be a while before it is ready to be shared.  While in that hospital room I was so mad at God for a lot of reasons.  It really was the first time that I can recall being truly mad at Him.  I wasn’t disappointed.  I wasn’t let down.  I was furious.  I know He understands.  I know He will not forsake me because of it.  The time I had with my grandma was a blessing no matter the circumstances surrounding it.  The Lord blessed me with the most amazing grandmother.  If she wasn’t so wonderful, it wouldn’t hurt like it does.  Thank you, God, for the incredible woman I got to call grandma.

The Lord continued to rain down his blessings this week, but a little more literally, as I woke this morning to find over 5 inches of standing water in my basement.  I wanted to just curl up in a ball when I turned on the lights to check to see if the dehumidifier needed to be emptied and saw light reflecting off the floor.  Really, God?  You thought I needed this too.  With Jeff out-of-town for work (alarm is set and guard dogs are watching!) I just didn’t know how to begin to tackle the problem.  I did what I do best and dialed the phone and began to sob.  The sump pump has now been replaced, the water has drained, and fans are going.  As soon as I have someone to help lug the massive, rented dehumidifier down the stairs that will be going too.  We are now faced with nasty clean-up, plumber bills, deductible to pay, and insurance hoopla to go through.  The blessing I am finding is that we are safe and it is all just stuff.  Sure, some of it is valuable and some of it was treasured items from long ago.  I am thankful we have insurance coverage and can hopefully have most of the items replaced.  You bet that I did plunge into the freezing water when I saw that the bin of Odette’s keepsakes from Congo had somehow fallen off the table and was floating on its side.  Blessed that I think most of the things are salvageable.

There is also another unspoken prayer request for an amazing woman in my family fighting a health battle.  Thanks for your prayers.

While there is a lot on my plate right now, I know that it is all in His hands.  I will praise Him in the storm.  My life is blessed beyond measure.  Lest, I never forget that.

But God, I’m good for a while now, aren’t I?

I’m not sure about you, but I have always compared myself to others.  Jealousy has been a part of my life for a very long time.  Embarrassing to admit to the world wide web, but I will.  I remember even back when I was no more than about 5, I begged my mom for a teddy bear sweatshirt.  It seemed as if EVERYBODY had one so I needed one, too.

It went on to be Lisa Frank folders, trapper keepers, and pump shoes (tell me you remember those!).  I just needed to have them all to fit in and be the cool kid.  If one of my friends got their hair permed or highlighted I had to be next.  In junior high I made my mom track down a patent leather mini backpack purse because my two popular, pretty friends had one and I was sure that if I had one I would be a popular, pretty girl.

You would think that now that I have rolled the big three-oh that I would be way beyond comparing myself to others and evaluating my worth based on them.  Oh, how I wish.

I have come to learn that as a mom I have only gotten so much worse at trying to keep up with the Joneses.  Ugh.  Jealousy is such an ugly beast.  Some days I feel like I am the worst mom on the face of the planet.  Some days I wonder how I will have enough energy for another kid.  Some days I feel like all the other moms have it all together while I am such a mess.  My kid is loved, clothed, fed, bathed, schooled, and it seems like that’s about all.  There’s summer camps, piano lessons, dance classes, organic eating, hair braiding, natural remedies, play groups, book clubs, reading lessons, nature excursions, art classes, blah blah blah.  I just don’t know how they do it.  Did someone drop off a Super Mom 101 book on those moms’ doorsteps?  If so, they missed my house.  (or maybe I was too busy reading How to Parent Your Internationally Adopted Child, The Connected Child, or various other adoption books)  I admit that I am hard on myself, as most of us probably are, but I didn’t expect parenting to be so complicated.  Granted, I know it doesn’t really have to be that way.  I know that I am the one putting the pressure on myself, but still.  It.stinks.

From the outside looking in I see perfection.

When really, why do I even look?

I am going to challenge myself to let myself be enough.  I will be satisfied with who I am, what I’m doing, and how I’m doing it.  I am going to try my best to stop playing the game of who’s who. I will hold my head up high and not allow myself to knock it down.

Well, I’m gonna try at least. Who knows.

I did see that Guess jeans are making a comeback.